Tips for Dealing with Flirtatious and Pushy Men in Italy

When we think of Italy we think of pizza, romance and the Roman Colosseum.  Between the wines, the vistas, the restaurants and the men, it's hard not to get lost in the romance of old-world charm.  The towns are full of warm and inviting colours and people and it's nearly impossible not to fall in love with both Italy as a whole and its people.  However, as a tourist (especially if you're a woman), it's important to keep your wits about you.  Italian men can be as aggressively flirtatious as they are handsome and if you aren't prepared you may find yourself in an unexpected and difficult situation.  So, before you go travelling to Italy, here are a few tips from my recent visit to Rome, on how to navigate dealing with flirtatious and pushy men, as a woman travelling in Italy.  

Don’t Take Everything at Face Value

Whether it’s the cameras slung over your shoulders, or the fact that you don’t look quintessentially Italian, most of the natives will know you are a tourist. On our first day in Rome my good friend and I were enjoying the sunshine on the Spanish Steps when we learned our first important lesson about men in Italy. While I was busy photographing architectural details on the buildings nearby, my friend was being distracted by the charms of a good-looking young man who had approached her and started up a conversation. When he offered her a bracelet she thought he was just being charming; once it was on her wrist however, she discovered that he wanted her to pay for it. Another man joined the conversation and began suggesting that all of this would be best resolved with a kiss.

In the end, it all worked out with a kiss being accepted as payment.  My friend was happy to pay the man with a kiss and everyone left happy.  However, the lesson here is that not all flirting can be taken at face value, especially if something is being "offered" to you. 

 

In Rome bridges and ceilings are rarely boring.

A small amount of suspicion towards unexpected “gifts” is a healthy thing. Don’t allow all the attention to turn your head. Having learned from our experience we later avoided a similar incident involving proffered flowers.  This time we were enjoying the way the Trevi fountain was lit for the evening and we were handed roses.  It was only after we had politely refused the flowers that we were told of their very cheap price and asked again if we wanted them.  It is, of course, your choice if you want to buy the flowers.  But if you do not, you must simply remain firm and refuse to hold the flowers and bracelets thrust at you or you will find yourself paying for over-priced souvenirs you never wanted. 

The Compliments Come Free of Charge

 

The “gifts” may not be free but the flirting and compliments certainly are, and you are free to enjoy that.  My friend and I – we are both Americans – had been living in the UK for several years and neither one of us was used to the sort of attention we received in Italy. Our experience of American and British men left us more accustomed to shy smiles and quickly averted eyes when passing men on the street.  We were not prepared for the open and forward attention we received from Italian men. 

 

Cats and fountains seem to be everywhere in Rome.

Italian men have no qualms in admiring you openly and stopping on the street to talk with you. I had one man stop to talk with me while I admired some crumbling ruins by the street corner. He told me in Italian that my eyes were a beautiful green colour while he gently touched my cheekbone to emphasize his point and then he asked me in fragmented English if I wanted to go to lunch with him.  I was flattered but I declined.  Do not be surprised by the direct and openly flirtatious approach of Italian men. If you feel like it, you may make eyes at the handsome suit-wearing gentleman opposite you on the train and smile back as you pass men on the street. Compliments are free, so enjoy them!

 

Tips for Serious Situations

 

The likelihood is incredibly high that you will have a lovely holiday in Italy and your only trouble will be that you have missed the irregular opening times of the tiny church you really wanted to see inside. However, it does not hurt to prepare yourself for the worst, just in case you are the sort of person who always seems to attract trouble. In case you are wondering, I am one of those hapless souls whose luck seems to run from bad to ridiculous, depending on the day.

In Naples, my friend and I encountered serious trouble when we missed the last train back to Rome and had to spend the night in the station waiting for the first train in the morning. There we met an attractive young Italian man who seemed very eager to help us read the information boards and figure out how to know when the train arrived and was ready to be boarded.

Then he was suddenly a little too friendly and had his arm around my shoulder stroking my cheek and calling me bella. When I removed his arm and we left it seemed like the end of that. Later while we searched for an open bathroom in the more deserted parts of the train station we realized he had followed us there. At that point, we hurried back to the part of the train station with more people in it and waited for our train within sight of the police.

Nothing happened, but we felt safer knowing the police were there. If you do happen to run into a situation where you are uncomfortable remember that although you are probably safe the police are there to protect you. Of course, it wouldn’t hurt to know a few key phrases in Italian, such as help, which is aiuto, but if you are within sight of the police they will not let anything happen to you, even if you cannot explain to them why you are worried in Italian. Learn from our mistake; check train times three times and bring the address of a hostel or hotel just in case. Stay in the more populated areas and stand near the police in the train or bus station if you feel uncomfortable. Just be careful and pay attention to your surroundings, especially if you are travelling on your own.

Random Acts of Kindness

While you can encounter unsavoury characters in any city, you can also find truly amazing people on your travels if you look for them. Earlier, in Naples, we met an artist who appreciated that we stopped to admire his sketch work and gave us signed drawings. He also invited us to his next art show and introduced us to his friend at the museum. We were then escorted to a local pizza shop where the staff cooked our pizzas in heart shapes, announcing that they were “my heart for you.”

 

Through this keyhole is the view of Rome I was told to visit by a charming Italian man. He was right, it was worth the walk!

Oh the whole it would seem that Italian men are simply more exuberant. They are not afraid to admire your beauty openly or to offer to tell you the best place to eat or visit. Everyone seems to have their favourite part of the city and if you are friendly, and show an interest in seeing more of the city than the guidebook’s highlights, then people seem more than willing to tell you about them. All of this is probably done with more honesty, openness, and volume than you are used to. Don’t be too shy to listen to the locals and enjoy the off-the-beaten-path sights and restaurants. Smile and flirt back when you are complimented. Go to the places that the locals say have the best view or the best pasta. Don’t expect Italian men to behave the way you are used to and don’t be afraid to say NO to lunch invitations and bracelets that aren’t free. And above all enjoy your holiday!

San Diego's Stunning Ceiling and Sound

If you like architecture or music, and especially if you like both, you simply must attend a concert in the Jacobs Music Center.  While the outside is no longer impressive or indicative of what lies inside the doors, the inside is lovelier than ever.  Yet another reason one ought not judge something by its exterior alone.  Symphony Towers, the hotel complex built around the music center is nothing out of the common way.  However, it is protecting, and in some ways hiding, a gem of San Diego architecture.

Built in 1929, the Jacobs Music Center was originally the Fox Theater Movie Palace.  At that time movies were still silent with live musicians playing in the theater to provide drama and mood, so an organ was built in the 1929 theater.  The stage is still framed with the intricate beauty of the once used organ pipes.  The lobby and theater hall itself have all the beautiful details of another age.

Last evening in the Jacobs Music Center the San Diego Symphony performed Rachmaninov and Mozart.  I would love to explain how extraordinary it was; but it would take an artist to do that.  Quite simply the music was gorgeous.  At least for me, there is something deeply personal about Rachmaninov's music.  When his work is played well it is always an experience beyond words.   Last night it very nearly moved me to tears.

It was made all the more lovely by the setting.  Such a gorgeous setting.  Even the crowds were gorgeous.  Women in beautiful dresses and men in suits made the whole atmosphere charming.  I must admit that on occasion, I miss the casual elegance you find in other parts of the world.  Most days find San Diego's inhabitants very casually clad indeed.  It was a lovely change to see everyone cleaned up and looking so dapper.  (Don't panic, it's still southern California, not everyone was so formally attired).

From start to finish I was pleased from the tips of my shiny elegant shoes to the very top of the enormous and stunning chandelier.  I couldn't stop smiling.    

Whether you are interested in going to the symphony, seeing Moscow Ballet's Great Russian Nutcracker, watching Home Alone with live orchestra music, or listening to the Vienna Boy's Choir, the Jacobs Music Center is the place for you.

Madder Hatter's Tricks of the Trade for this outing:
1. Pay the money to park close.  You don't want to worry about being late, finding parking, or walking long distances in those shiny dress shoes that always give you blisters.
2. Bring a camera, even if it's just your phone.
3. Do be sure to silence your phone before the concert begins.
4. Look up - there are details everywhere in this building.
4. Don't be afraid to dress for the occasion.  How often do we get to do that on this coast anyway?

Safe travels,
The Madder Hatter

Staycation challenge San Diego: Day 11 - Passing on Kindness

The challenge for today was to give the world back what it gives to you.  Be it kindness, a smile from a stranger, or a gift from a friend.  This seemed especially appropriate today.  Because I just started my new job today.

Today, I embarked on a journey with a new company and a totally new profession because a friend had the kindness to reccommend me, strangers took a chance on me, and people I'd never met were willing to be my friend.  I was welcomed with open arms, accepted despite my quirks, and encouraged with great patience and kindness.  

I tried in my turn to be as friendly and accepting and encouraging of my fellow new-starters.  But I was thoroughly overwhelmed with the kindness.  This is the sort of company that you actually want to do your absolute best for.  They just encourage that sort of loyalty with their kindness and friendly culture.

I am so appreciative of my friends and all the kindness from new friends I found today.  I hope I will be able to be as kind and supportive of you in the future as you were of me today.  

Staycation challenge San Diego: Day 10 - Victorian Day

Today, was Victorian Day in Old Poway Park.  This was the first year the Poway Historical Society decided to do a Victorian Day event.  There were lectures, costumes, tours of the Nelson House and a Victorian Tea.

Despite the torential rain, it was a fun afternoon.  The yellow roses are blooming beautifully already this year.

The Nelson House is an original home to Poway and has docents dressed in Victorian clothes every Saturday and Sunday morning.

Old Poway Park is just a charming place to wander, whether it's on Saturday for the farmer's market, or to visit the old trains in the train barn, or to see any of the many events that are always going on in the park.  Today it just happened to be Victorian Day.

It's even lovely at night if you fancy a stroll or you have just eaten at the Hamburger Factory and want to sit on a bench and relax.

For more of my staycation adventures this April, start here.

Staycation challenge San Diego: Day 9 - Poway Flower Show & Blue Sky Reserve

Today is Saturday and Saturdays in Old Poway always mean market days.  We went through the market and bought a few strawberries and a tarot boba smoothie.  One of the things I love best about living in Southern California is the amazing produce we have.  Since our weather is generally warm, we have strawberries almost year round.  This is one thing in favor of this locale that cannot be said of London, as much as I loved it there.  So strawberries and smoothies in hand we went to see the flower show.

Old Poway Park Flower Show

This iris is called the peanut butter and jelly iris, believe it or not. 

The Poway Valley Garden Club puts on a flower show every year.  There are flower designs and arrangements and individual flowers that are all judged and awarded ribbons.  I love seeing all the amazing things that other garden enthusiasts manage to grow here.  The roses and irises are always my favorite flowers.  I also found some interesting succulent plants that I will be on the lookout for in future.  We admired all the cut flowers and flower designs then headed to the plant sale.

There we picked up cheap baby orchids that I hope will be happy on our patio.  At one edge of the plant sale we found four schools doing fundraisers for their school garden projects.  They had display boards with pictures of their gardens and the things they were learning about.  A couple of young students told us all about how to tell which seedlings were going to grow larger.  So we bought a few varieties of sunflower seedling plants.  One of which is going to grow to be 10 feet tall, or so we are told.  It was adorable how excited they were about their garadens and different plants.  I hope their fundraiser will allow them to keep up with their gardening projects.

After lunch it was still a very overcast day.  Since, the temperatures were just right for a good walk, we took our two giant black labs for an outing to Blue Sky Reserve.

Blue Sky Ecological Reserve 

Blue Sky has some very pleasant hiking trails.  I say hike because it could turn into one if you go far enough, but the trails are largely flat .

It dips down at first to the creek and you wend through groves of coastal live oaks, stately and wonderfully large.  It's a smooth flat trail underneath the oaks' canopy for the first mile to a mile and a half ish.  Then you have the option of doing a proper hike uphill to Lake Ramona, to Poway Lake, or of turning back.  We opted for the more sedate walk home at this point and turned around to head back.  But it was a lovely walk.

The reserve is home to some lovely native California plants.  It is home to the wildlife as well and there have been sightings of a mountain lion, but we saw no wildlife on our walk, unless you count our two black dogs.  They can be wild at times I assure.  But I digress, the native plants that we saw just along the trial edges were lovely.  We've had a fair amount of rain recently and everything was blooming.

It was a very good walk.  A bit of exercise, fresh air, and flower spotting.  Oh and the dogs made friends with nearly everyone we passed.  They love people like that.  So, they helped with the prompt of today that suggested we make new friends.

So that was my staycation adventure of the day.  For more of my staycation adventures check here.

Staycation Challenge San Diego: Day 8 - Trying New Things

Day eight of my staycation adventures was a productive day mostly.  I caught up with correspondence, practiced a bit of my Spanish, and booked salon appointments for the weddings I'm in this summer.  This way I don't have to worry about failing at hair on the day of the wedding and embarassing the bride.  Some days my hair likes to do anti-gravity tricks and some days it likes to channel wildling vibes.  So, I'm letting the professionals tackle it for the two weddings in which I am part of the bridal party.  After all this productivity, I watched a fantastic movie, chatted with a few good friends and came home to relax.

Day eight's prompt was to make your Friday nights great again.  Now, when I travel I usually wear myself out walking and site-seeing all day and go for a good meal and an earlyish night.  But I like to try new things when I travel.  I try new foods and drinks and try to experience local culture.  So, for my day eight I tried to make my own caiprinhas, a drink I discovered and loved in Spain but haven't had in a few years.  So, I tried doing something new, and made a caipirinha, which wasn't bad for a first attempt.  I have a feeling I'll be doing a bit more experimenting with proportions to make it right though.  Then I took my drink to the couch and relaxed while watching Jane Austen's Persuasion.  All in all, it definitely made my rainy Friday night great.


Tomorrow will be a more adventurous day.  So, if you are interested in reading any of my other more exciting days for the staycation challenge, check here.

Staycation challenge San Diego: Day 7 - Garden Photography Project

Today for the staycation challenge we were encouraged to take photos.  To try and take that sort of photo that you look back on after a vacation and just love beyond words.  Maybe because it captures the feel of the whole trip or maybe because it expresses a moment perfectly.

So, today, I retreated to my writing place, the little playhouse outside.  I wrote, I got into a creative mood and then I set forth with my camera to take some photos.  These were the fruits of my efforts today after the rain stopped.

These photos captured the most peaceful moments of my day.  Looking at the flowers in the garden was delightful and calming.  I only hope I did them justice.

For more of my adventures in this staycation challenge check here.