When we think of Italy we think of pizza, romance and the Roman Colosseum. Between the wines, the vistas, the restaurants and the men, it's hard not to get lost in the romance of old-world charm. The towns are full of warm and inviting colours and people and it's nearly impossible not to fall in love with both Italy as a whole and its people. However, as a tourist (especially if you're a woman), it's important to keep your wits about you. Italian men can be as aggressively flirtatious as they are handsome and if you aren't prepared you may find yourself in an unexpected and difficult situation. So, before you go travelling to Italy, here are a few tips from my recent visit to Rome, on how to navigate dealing with flirtatious and pushy men, as a woman travelling in Italy.
Don’t Take Everything at Face Value
Whether it’s the cameras slung over your shoulders, or the fact that you don’t look quintessentially Italian, most of the natives will know you are a tourist. On our first day in Rome my good friend and I were enjoying the sunshine on the Spanish Steps when we learned our first important lesson about men in Italy. While I was busy photographing architectural details on the buildings nearby, my friend was being distracted by the charms of a good-looking young man who had approached her and started up a conversation. When he offered her a bracelet she thought he was just being charming; once it was on her wrist however, she discovered that he wanted her to pay for it. Another man joined the conversation and began suggesting that all of this would be best resolved with a kiss.
In the end, it all worked out with a kiss being accepted as payment. My friend was happy to pay the man with a kiss and everyone left happy. However, the lesson here is that not all flirting can be taken at face value, especially if something is being "offered" to you.
In Rome bridges and ceilings are rarely boring.
A small amount of suspicion towards unexpected “gifts” is a healthy thing. Don’t allow all the attention to turn your head. Having learned from our experience we later avoided a similar incident involving proffered flowers. This time we were enjoying the way the Trevi fountain was lit for the evening and we were handed roses. It was only after we had politely refused the flowers that we were told of their very cheap price and asked again if we wanted them. It is, of course, your choice if you want to buy the flowers. But if you do not, you must simply remain firm and refuse to hold the flowers and bracelets thrust at you or you will find yourself paying for over-priced souvenirs you never wanted.
The Compliments Come Free of Charge
The “gifts” may not be free but the flirting and compliments certainly are, and you are free to enjoy that. My friend and I – we are both Americans – had been living in the UK for several years and neither one of us was used to the sort of attention we received in Italy. Our experience of American and British men left us more accustomed to shy smiles and quickly averted eyes when passing men on the street. We were not prepared for the open and forward attention we received from Italian men.
Cats and fountains seem to be everywhere in Rome.
Italian men have no qualms in admiring you openly and stopping on the street to talk with you. I had one man stop to talk with me while I admired some crumbling ruins by the street corner. He told me in Italian that my eyes were a beautiful green colour while he gently touched my cheekbone to emphasize his point and then he asked me in fragmented English if I wanted to go to lunch with him. I was flattered but I declined. Do not be surprised by the direct and openly flirtatious approach of Italian men. If you feel like it, you may make eyes at the handsome suit-wearing gentleman opposite you on the train and smile back as you pass men on the street. Compliments are free, so enjoy them!
Tips for Serious Situations
The likelihood is incredibly high that you will have a lovely holiday in Italy and your only trouble will be that you have missed the irregular opening times of the tiny church you really wanted to see inside. However, it does not hurt to prepare yourself for the worst, just in case you are the sort of person who always seems to attract trouble. In case you are wondering, I am one of those hapless souls whose luck seems to run from bad to ridiculous, depending on the day.
In Naples, my friend and I encountered serious trouble when we missed the last train back to Rome and had to spend the night in the station waiting for the first train in the morning. There we met an attractive young Italian man who seemed very eager to help us read the information boards and figure out how to know when the train arrived and was ready to be boarded.
Then he was suddenly a little too friendly and had his arm around my shoulder stroking my cheek and calling me bella. When I removed his arm and we left it seemed like the end of that. Later while we searched for an open bathroom in the more deserted parts of the train station we realized he had followed us there. At that point, we hurried back to the part of the train station with more people in it and waited for our train within sight of the police.
Nothing happened, but we felt safer knowing the police were there. If you do happen to run into a situation where you are uncomfortable remember that although you are probably safe the police are there to protect you. Of course, it wouldn’t hurt to know a few key phrases in Italian, such as help, which is aiuto, but if you are within sight of the police they will not let anything happen to you, even if you cannot explain to them why you are worried in Italian. Learn from our mistake; check train times three times and bring the address of a hostel or hotel just in case. Stay in the more populated areas and stand near the police in the train or bus station if you feel uncomfortable. Just be careful and pay attention to your surroundings, especially if you are travelling on your own.
Random Acts of Kindness
While you can encounter unsavoury characters in any city, you can also find truly amazing people on your travels if you look for them. Earlier, in Naples, we met an artist who appreciated that we stopped to admire his sketch work and gave us signed drawings. He also invited us to his next art show and introduced us to his friend at the museum. We were then escorted to a local pizza shop where the staff cooked our pizzas in heart shapes, announcing that they were “my heart for you.”
Through this keyhole is the view of Rome I was told to visit by a charming Italian man. He was right, it was worth the walk!
Oh the whole it would seem that Italian men are simply more exuberant. They are not afraid to admire your beauty openly or to offer to tell you the best place to eat or visit. Everyone seems to have their favourite part of the city and if you are friendly, and show an interest in seeing more of the city than the guidebook’s highlights, then people seem more than willing to tell you about them. All of this is probably done with more honesty, openness, and volume than you are used to. Don’t be too shy to listen to the locals and enjoy the off-the-beaten-path sights and restaurants. Smile and flirt back when you are complimented. Go to the places that the locals say have the best view or the best pasta. Don’t expect Italian men to behave the way you are used to and don’t be afraid to say NO to lunch invitations and bracelets that aren’t free. And above all enjoy your holiday!
